I didn't go out on Christmas.  It was cold, and raining outside; so instead, I just stayed at home, and took a night off.  I deserved it, I felt.

     It has been a great inaugural year for 'The Drunken News'.  I am just getting started.

     As always, it is a fine line with who I mention, what I mention, and with what photographs I publish.  I haven't yet had anybody complain to remove a post.  I imagine it could happen at some point.  I try to be nice to most people by Not writing about them at all.  I usually only mention people who have gone to great lengths to annoy myself and others.  Trust me, there are plenty of those.

     A story comes to mind about a guy who said that this woman is absolutely crazy and nutty, and then when I saw that he was drunk, he gave her money.  My impression of him went down even lower.  I didn't think that was possible.

     Anyway, thanks for reading 'The Drunken News'.  I'm looking forward to another drunken year.

     I've never been happier, getting drunk every day.  It is a good time.

     Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's been some adventure.  I had my uneventful birthday.  I'm still trying to get my birthday sex from last year.
     My napkin art is going well.  It continues to sell, despite it being really slow in the bar. 
     Here are some recent examples:

     Darth Mickey.

     My Cafe Table from today.

     The Larry Action Figure.

     I've been thinking about the day when Disney owns the entire world.  Won't that be fun?

     Loose Tits Sink Ships.

     Even more napkin art.


     Then, there are some pictures from in and around the bar that I will share with you...

 

      North Beach, view of the 'Coppola Emerald City Building', which is what I call it.

     Marcus, who I call 'Shemp', asleep at the bar.

     Marcus Shemp, just waking up, with spilled can of Raineer.

'The King Nut' sarcophagus by Dancer, a former bartender.  He did an amazing job on this sculpture.

     The Finnish Flag napkin art that I painted and hung up in a discreet place.

     Larry, with his garbage bag raincoat.

     Vera the Russian Photography girl, who according to an article, stalked the owner of Zynga games.  "They're all lies," she said to me.  I think she is out of her mind with all of her black magic crap, and thinking that Steve Jobs stole the apple logo from her, and that google sends messages to her mind, telling her to kill herself.  It's all whackjob nut job shit.  She talks out loud to herself about all this stuff.

     One of my napkin arts got framed and put into a bar, so I'm happy about that.

     Anyway, hope you liked all the pictures and the text.  I'll write more on this blog when I feel there is more of an audience for it.  Until then, facebook is the main outlet for 'The Drunken News'.
     If you want to read my daily posts of 'The Drunken News' on facebook, my name is David Lovins, and it is the one with the napkin art of a 'distraught looking Mickey Mouse kind of character'.
     See you guys, later.
   
 

     Hello.  I won the final game of 'Magic The Gathering' last night, and during the game I sold $25 worth of napkin art.  I was happy.
     Yes, I sell napkin art to make a living.
     A woman who has known of me for over ten years was surprised to find out that I was making and selling napkin art.
     So, I have to assume that not everybody knows that I do this.

     Here is my set-up at the cafe today.
     Fortunately, they let me do my thing in the same way that the bar does.
     It is essential that I paint during the day so I can see what the hell is going on with my artwork.  When I paint at night in the bar, I can barely see what I am doing with those damn yellow lightbulbs they have in the sockets.

     Anyway, I was honored with two chalkboard writings from yesterday's bartender...

     It just goes to show that if you show up at a bar for sixteen years, you might get a sandwich board devoted to you.



  
     Otherwise, life has been good.  I've been going through a lot of Raineer Ale, and selling a lot of napkin art.  It is a good time.
     Meanwhile, at the cafe, everybody ignores me, and nobody even looks at my art, much less buys it.
     One thing has been proven.  Drunk people at a bar with spending money in a social situation will buy more art than sober, stuffy, self-absorbed, nose in the air laptop yuppies with no class.
     Why do you think they serve champagne and wine at art openings?  It facilitates sales.

     I watched some videos with Hunter S. Thompson today on youtube.  It is all there.  Hunter was one of the great ones.  One of his interviews with David Letterman wasn't too hot from 1988.  Hunter didn't seem to connect too well on that one with David, or anybody.
     Anyway, so Hunter is on my mind today.
     Someday, I'll have to actually read his books.

     So, I write The Drunken News on facebook, and sometimes I come here.
     There's been a lot of things that have been happening up at the ole' bar, which, due to space limitations and people's tolerance of my writing, I have self-restrained myself.  That isn't good.  In addition, I self-edited, and that is even worse.
     There are politics involved in who I mention.  Mostly I restrain myself because it involves other people, so as one bartender said, "It is a fine line."
     It is true.  It is a very sensitive situation when writing about people.

     So far, The Drunken News blog I've used as an 'overflow' area.    I prefer to do it on facebook, because it is funnier there.  Here, it can get way too serious.
     A woman walked behind the bar to raise the volume on the stereo.  I was shocked to see that happen.  That was not a good move.  I won't mention who it was.  I guess she was having an orgasm about a song, and needed more sound so she could groove to the music.
    
     My napkin art has gone rather well in the last week.  I've sold $422 worth of painted napkins.  I buy drinks every night, so that cuts into my profits, but that is the cost of doing business.  I'm not going in there to make money without supporting the bar, unlike a couple of other artists I know.  Always support the house is the law.  So yeah, I've spent over $100 in the same eight days on booze, food, and things I need to survive.

     It's been a pretty good life to be a full-time napkin artist.  I've developed my alcoholism to all new levels, haha.

     So, The Drunken News started out as a fun joke, but I actually have readers on facebook.  If a person misses a night at the bar, they can at least read 'The Drunken News' to see if they missed anything.

     Sorry about the bad writing.  I'll try and fix it when I am more clear-headed.

     So, in an hour, I'll go up to the bar, and do the whole thing over again.  I'll be lucky to sell $20 worth of art, but I could make a $100.  I never know what will happen on any given night.  It's kind of an adventure.

     Thank god Obama won.  I shudder to think what would happen if Romney was in office.  People in Utah would be so proud of themselves, that would be for sure.

     Okay, thanks for reading.  I'll try and improve this blog at some point in the future.

 Author's Notes:

1.     Yeah, if you are a customer, never, ever go behind the bar, for any reason.

Welcome to The Drunken News.
     My only journalism class was in ninth grade.  I got edited for my content, so I said, "Fuck it, I'll never take a journalism class again."

     Here is a friendly shot of Tomato and Vodka mix from a very nice bartender....   :)

     Here is a napkin art of mine, with a local celebrity tucking it in his shirt...

     Here is the guy who yelled out all of a sudden..."You disgusting Americans!"  Then he pissed in the grill by the flower pot.  Hey, I don't judge, I just report the news,...but yeah, I really hate this guy.  He threatened a couple of weeks ago to leave and never come back, but he broke his promise.   Grrrrr.

     Here is one of my favorite napkin arts, placed by one of Vera's photographs, or 'peectures' as she calls them.  She is a nutjob.  That is my opinion.  However, many people share that opinion with me.

     There is so much that has happened in the last two days, I can't even begin to write it down right now.  Maybe I'll get around to it, maybe not.
                        

     Author's Notes:

1.   Vera moved back to Russia, the last time I heard, and I am glad for that.  She was very paranoid, and
      would laugh and talk to herself.

The Epidemic

     Not much happened last night, except that I got annoyed with some man who was trying to sell me some dope.
     When I saw him, I turned my back to him, and I was staring at a wall, and he still managed to bother me.
     The guy couldn't take a hint that I didn't want to talk to him.
     So, he decided to bother me.
     An argument ensued, and it wasn't pretty.
     It is a real hard thing to mind your own business in this town.

Author's Notes:

 1.  It is an epidemic in San Francisco for people to ask other people for things, mostly spare change.
      There is not a place in San Francisco where you can walk freely without someone asking you for
      something.  I am disturbed by it.  Others just tolerate it as a fact of life.
             Often times I'll be minding my own business, thinking some pleasant thoughts, and all of
      a sudden, I'll hear, "Hey, bro, got some change?"
             I find it unnerving, and rude.
             Then if you react in a way they don't like, or according to script, they get upset, and it becomes
      a whole drama.

Honest Reporting for Christ's sake

     One thing is for sure, and that is that 'The Drunken News' is heavily influenced by alcohol.  That means you'll get honest reporting.  ( I've been called a liar with what I write, so I don't know.  The person who said that isn't too credible in my eyes, so I really don't know.   I know of one person who has said 'he is insane'.  Take it for what it is worth.  I don't exactly believe that myself, just so you know. )

     Anyway, it was a good time making napkin art last night.  I enjoyed myself.  I drank some beers, and painted to my heart's content, which made me feel real good.

     Also, my friend took me to a topless strip club.  We each had a vodka cran, and we looked at the women.  A couple of them were real cute.

     I like to watch dancers, and to make drawings from them.  My imagination goes wild, as the flood gates  of the imagination open up.

     To tell you what goes on with me nightly, well, I go up to my favorite bar on my bike, and I order a Raineer, and then I paint until closing time.  Often, I get some sales, which helps to support my drinking.  Some nights are good, some bad, but I always get a story or two of what goes on with people.

     I mostly try to keep people anonymous, unless I really hate them, lol.  Because as you know, what happens in a bar, should stay in a bar.  We wouldn't want people's secrets getting out there, not that I think it would matter anyhow.  However, I try to be polite and respectful of people's right to privacy.  Unless it is a story that everybody needs to know about, then it is my policy not to blow the lid off of things.

     ( Some people have such inflated egos, that they think what I write about them really matters to the world at large.  First of all, no one really cares about North Beach, much less people's little lives.  I've talked to people in San Francisco who don't even know where North Beach is, for Christ's sake. )

     I'm just sitting here thinking about gearing up for another night.  The hardest part of my job is making the decision to get off of my ass and bicycle up there yet again.  I've often sat for an hour dreading the chore.  But once I am on my bike riding, it is a good time, so I don't know why I procrastinate.  Maybe it is because painting is hard, and I enjoy the comforts of being in my studio.  However, sitting here nets me no money at all, so therefore I have to venture out nightly.

     It's not a bad life.  I have fun, and if there is nobody there to entertain me, I amuse myself.

* * * * *

Author's Notes

1.  Nothing too offensive on this entry.

Falling Down

     Jessica fell down again last night, but she was okay.  I worry about her sometimes.  Then again, I worry about myself, too, with good reason.
     Part of being a good alcoholic is knowing when to call it quits, and go home.
     Otherwise, you risk losing faction points.
     The only memory you should ever give a bartender is the thought of a good tip.  Then they think of you well, if they think of you at all.  ( This is really good advice. )


     Anyway, it was a good night of cards.  I won a couple of games.  My opponents weren't too happy about that.
     Truck 'em.  They would kill me with no mercy at any given moment.

     The whole show is going to start again in a couple of hours.

     I did my napkin art thing at the cafe, and I thought about last night.  Not too much to think about.  The same old people show up at the bar every night.  I see the same old people doing the same old thing.  It bores me.

     This happens at the cafe, too, where I just see people sit there, and they stare into space.  They don't even bring a book.  They expect others to entertain them.  There are those who entertain themselves and others, and there are those who expect to be entertained.

     I was thinking today, "Dang, I wish others would entertain me."

     I put on a show every day with my art.

     The thing I hate is when people look and stare and they don't say a word.  I already made the art, does that mean I have to reel them in, too?  It probably does.  It is hard to be a working artist, salesman, and friend all at the same time.  I admire anyone who can do it.  ( I'm getting better at this.  I now call it 'pulling teeth' where I have to work hard to reel in a potential customer because sometimes they are too shy to talk to me about my art.  When they stare at me and what I'm doing, it drives me insane.  I wish they would just say 'hello'.  Instead, I have to initiate.  It's a pain in the ass to do, but it looks like I have to do it from now on. )


     I could definitely use some people skills, that is for sure.  But then, on the other hand, I don't want to be a kiss ass, and sell to any random person who comes by.  Most people at the cafe don't have any money to spend on my art, anyhow.  Otherwise, they would have bought from me by now.  ( I'll sell to anybody at this point.  It doesn't matter anymore. )

     Anyway, I have to gear up for another night of napkin art at the bar.  The hardest part of the job is making myself get there.

     I forgot who is 'Red Wine Jessica' and who is 'White Wine Jessica'.  I'll have to find out again tonight.

     ( Red Wine wears the strawberry cap.  White Wine is the talker. )

     Wish me luck, and thanks for reading.

     I don't know what I am going to do with 'The Drunken News' yet.  I'm going to play it by ear.

* * * * *

Author's notes

     1.  Ooh, mentioning the 'Jessicas'.

     Hello, it is October 4, 2012.  I seem to have gotten some hits on this blog, so I might as well write some more for 'The Drunken News' to keep people entertained.

     I don't have anything to write about, however.  All I know is that I got a 40 oz. of Mickey's, and I'm rip-roaring to go.  Maybe something will pop up.

     Anyway, I like to type, so maybe that is my impetus, which means 'my driving force' or the thing that keeps me going.

     Anyhow, to continue, well, it's been my art project to show up at the bar every night for a year.  It is October now, and I have not missed a day.  Funny enough, I'm not the only one who shows up to the bar every night.  There are more than a few of these people.

     I started my Napkin Art January 1st, and it is going good.  I am making a living at it.  I am surprised as much as anybody.  I didn't know it would work so well.

     Recently, I broke my record of Napkin Art sold in a night.  The record is now $230, up from $185.  I thought the previous record would never be broken.  I just thought I got extremely lucky.  How wrong I was, and thank god for that.  Now I know, that even $230 can be broken.  That will be fantastic when that happens.  I'm all for it.

     My three day record was established, too.  Including the $230, in the next two days I sold more each night, so the three day record is now $370.  That is not bad.  Then the following day, on a Sunday, I made $0.  It happens.  It figures, but there are always events to keep me humble.  One of these events is going to the cafe during the day, and not selling anything.  Sober people don't buy art, that much is proven.

     Anyway, I will be going out to the bar in an hour or two, if I can get it together.  This is not always an easy thing to do.

     One thing I always have to deal with is poets.  Always on Wednesdays and Thursdays, they gather together and talk their hot air stuff, and it creates a stifling arena for me to make art in.  So, I have to deal with that, trying to paint while they massage each others' egos.  My, what fun that is for me.  It is often negative, since they just end up raising their voices instead of calmly talking about the issues.  In a way, I am glad that somebody gets heated up over some intellectual topics, but why they have to do it in front of me is a burden, especially when I am trying to create.
     Plus, they call themselves poets, but I never see them write anything, haha.

     Anyhow, I go into the bar, order a Raineer, set up my paints, and let it rip.  Sometimes even I don't even know what will happen.  It all depends on who comes into the bar.

     It is not my intent with 'The Drunken News' to start naming names, or to give out personal information of people.  I'm just here to give the gist of what goes on.  None of my readers care about who it actually is, and it doesn't matter anyway, because what is the point?  There is no point.  In any case, I have nicknames for a lot of people, and that will work in many instances.  ( As it turned out, people do want to know who I'm talking about, and more than a few have asked to be written about. )

     I do know one thing.  Certain people I hang out with while I am painting, well, let's just say that some people help to facilitate my sales, and some don't.  I know of at least one guy that I absolutely do not want at my table while I am painting.  He doesn't like my art for one thing, and doesn't really believe in what I am doing, so fuck him.  Who needs him?  I certainly don't.  ( This is The Big Lebowski.  His position still has not changed. )

     I'm definitely not the biggest fan of pot-smokers you will ever meet.  It kind of takes away your desire to do things.  To smoke enough of it kind of makes you not want to do anything, not that you could at that point anyway.

     Pot affects people in different ways, that is for sure.  I'll smoke it occasionally as a social thing, but I don't enjoy it all that much.  My favorite way to get stoned is just to breath it in second-hand.  It is a good way to avoid all the coughing, and I get just the right buzz.

     Anyway, there is so much that goes on at the bar, I don't even know where to start.  I don't think it is my business to tell people's details when they are in a bar.  What happens in a bar should stay in a bar, just like in Vegas.
     What I do like about bars and alcohol, is it is a truth serum.  It almost never fails.  The truth always comes out.
     Well, that's about it for me right now.  I have a lot to do before I jet out to the bar tonight.  Thanks for reading.  I appreciate anybody who reads my writing.

* * * * *

Author's notes:

$230 still has not been broken.

This is a funny entry.  I'll have to work on it some more.

This is the first mention of 'The Big Lebowski'.  He is a nice, and a smart guy.  However, I beat him in Magic The Gathering the last four out of five weeks, so I don't know what to think of his tactics.

Prime

     Mostly I do 'The Drunken News' on my facebook page, but maybe someday, this will be the prime outlet for it.
     Maybe I will do some videos for youtube for 'The Drunken News' if it ever gets popular enough.
     It is not my intention to become a newscaster, but I'll do it as long as it is fun.
     Once it becomes work, I'm outta there....unless I get paid or something, because that is the real world.


* * * * *

Author's Note:  Certainly, nothing offensive in this entry.
                        
                         Funny enough, I did make a 'Drunken News' video about twenty minutes ago before
                         reading this entry.

                         You can find it on youtube.  I'm too lazy to post it.

     I really don't like this new Blogger set-up.  The old one was better.

     Anyway, if you want the real 'Drunken News', add me, David Lovins, on facebook.  It's the one with the reddish picture with a tweaked looking Mickey Mouse.
     When I get home, and I"m drunk, often times, all I can muster is to type my rant on facebook before I crash for the night.

     I haven't really decided what to do with 'The Drunken News' yet beyond facebook.  I don't know why anyone would care beyond my circle of friends.

     I guess we'll see what happens.


* * * * * *

     Author's Note:  Wow, nothing offensive here.  This entry comes off as rather friendly.
                              The count on this entry is twenty-five views.  Wow, this blog is really
                              out of control with the number of people reading it.

                              It is hard to imagine that this blog would end up causing any kind of hubbub whatsoever.
                              But it did.

                              To be honest, I am still laughing about how everything turned out, especially over
                              a variation on this joke...."Hello.  I'm James.  James Bond.  What's your phone
                              number?"

                              "You gotta be kidding me," is all I can say.

                              "Geez, if you can't laugh at yourself, you are truly fucked," is all I can add.

                              I see old men trying to pick up on young broads all the time, so I don't know what the
                              big deal is.  I just think it is funny when I see it.  The men think they have a chance,
                              and most of the time, the girls get creeped out, but are afraid to say anything.  All of
                              this just makes me laugh.

                              Some women won't go to certain bars in the city if they know there are lecherous old
                              men around, and that is true.  I can't make that up.

                              There are some men who like to give tours inside of a bar, showing young women
                              all of the interesting little features of the bar, including the history.  I always laugh
                              when I see this, because I can almost imagine the old codger saying after he gives the
                              girl a tour saying, "After I show you everything in the bar, I would like to point out
                              another interesting feature...the top button of my trousers."

                              Hahahaha.

The Drunken News

     Welcome to The Drunken News.
     I started this on facebook, then, after pissing off and annoying enough people, I decided to do this as a blog.

     All real news outlets are a form of fiction.  Not necessarily what they write, or when they deliver the facts, but what they make to seem important.

     Lots of stories that have deserved media attention over the years are relegated to page eight of the newspaper if the story does not serve corporate interests.

     Anyway, what I do every night is come home from the bar, drunk, and then I write about what happened.

     I figure that since I am drunk, I can get away with writing anything I want, because society always forgives a drunk, whereas they could give a fuck about a hard-working person trying to make a better living for himself instead of living in some dump shambles of an art studio.

     I'm too lazy and not drunk enough to write a real entry right now, so I hope you'll forgive me.

     More to come later, when I feel like it.



* * * * * * * * * *

Author's Note:  So, this was the first entry of 'The Drunken News' in blog form.  Hmmmm....nothing too offensive here.  I did use the 'f' word, which is a very common word in American speech, but is still offensive when it appears in print.  There is no other word like it, though, which is why I like to use it.
     South Park did it best in the title of one of their episodes entitled, "An Elephant Fucks a Pig".  The title never appeared in the episode, but Matt and Trey had to fight to keep the title on the script with their argument being, "An Elephant making love to a pig is not the same as an elephant fucking a pig.  We've all fucked pigs from one time or another.  Do you make love to a pig, or do you fuck it?"  So, history was made.  Forgive me if it is not a direct quote, but it is close enough.

     So, why did I start 'The Drunken News'?  Well, 'The Onion' stopped being printed, a newspaper I truly loved, and I had to fill the void somehow.  Granted, 'my newspaper' sucks in comparison, but I decided to have fun anyway, so I did.

     One thing I have learned is that nobody likes to be made fun of.  However, if people would just stop giving me so much material to work with, I would have discontinued writing 'The Drunken News' long ago.
Even last night provided a vast land of riches of things to write about, haha.

     There is just so much to make fun of in this world, and North Beach seems to be a 'platinum rich zone' in terms of comedy.  People take themselves way too seriously, so it is fun and easy to mock.  Sorry, but it is.